Rhinos

 Dear Charlie 

I heard I should ask you to show me something to show me you are here. Can you show me a rhino in a place I wouldn’t expect to see a rhino please? 

Love mummy x

My Charlie

Dear Charlie 

Some days make me realise just how polite and wonderful and respectful you were. I did such a good job with you and I really wish you were here still I know you would set such a good example. You were so special I miss you so much I’m so proud of you. 

I’m struggling today. I have been doing really well but it’s exhausting for me and I feel like I don’t get much time to myself anymore because I’m trying to work so much but it takes me away from our home. I’m so so tired I really wish I could talk to you. I hope you’re ok I hope my dad, your grandad is with you and making you laugh and looking after you every day!

They have made the fantastic four movie again I have been telling everyone how much you used to love it. I’m going to watch it for you and I’m looking forward to it. We went to watch superman tonight remember you had a superman costume and you wore it to your 6th birthday party it was fancy dress. I love you so much. A light switched off in me when you went away and sometimes I feel a spark come back but it’s never been the same. I am ok though I always am ok

Im going to try to go to Italy next year remember we always promised you we would go? Italian food is your favourite pizza and lasagne like Garfield I make that sometimes everyone really likes it. 

Remember Garfield 1 and 2 ? You loved them ohhh guess what??? Adam Sandler has made happy Gilmore 2 and we can’t wait to watch it oh it reminded me of you so much when I heard about it. 

Goodnight Char I love you to the moon and back always 

Mum x 

We are golden 

 Dear Charlie

Do you remember when I used to cuddle you in one arm and your sister in the other and I was pregnant we used to say where will baby go when he’s out? Like I didn’t have an extra arm. We used to sit for ages just cuddling. 

I’ve had a rough year, probably the hardest since losing you but I’m still fighting. I bet you’re so disappointed in all this that’s happened and I hate when people say I’m strong they have no idea! I always carry on because I have to I’m trying my best. 

No one could love their kids more than I do. You were so precious even to give you medicine. I didn’t even like to give you Calpol very often and then all that happened and I lost control and suddenly you were having medicines and treatments and I had no choice but to trust they were doing the right thing by you.

I just had a random memory do you remember when we went to crews hill ? You used to like it there. I want to do something special for you soon, just so you know even though I haven’t done any charity events lately it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you all the time and we will be doing one soon. I promise I’ll get round to it.

Im so tired all the time Char 

The other day when I was thinking of you when all those songs came on that u and grandad liked randomly was that you guys? I believe it was

I do hope you’re okay

Love you Char to the moon and back x

I’m sad

 Dear little Charlie I’m sad.

 I used to be able to talk to you on your Facebook but some xxxt hacked it and I haven’t been able to get it back so sometimes I want to tell you something and I cant go to Facebook anymore 

I really miss you. You were so kind and respectful and funny. It’s almost your birthday I think we might go to Woburn and see the rhinos I think you would love that.

T lost his guinea pig have you got her? I imagine you with Zohan and Ronnie and all the guinea pigs around you and I imagine you running with them. 

I feel like a bit of a failure at the moment I hope you’re with me sometimes I feel it. I feel so overwhelmed and out of control I always have to fight why can’t there just be peace? I will keep fighting like always. I hope you’re alright. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you what a joke that your mum couldn’t fix it 

I miss you so much

Mummy x