Guess what?

 Hey Char 

Guess what? I’m in the cinema watching the new fantastic four I can’t believe they made this you used to love this and had the toys. It’s clobbering time. I cried at the end when she tried to save her son and she did it I said to your sister that’s cos she’s his mum but it made me think of you how I couldn’t save you and made me sad! I really liked the movie though I felt close to you I know you would have loved it 

Love you to the moon and back, please help with everything it’s making me sad  

Love mum x

Happy Gilmore

 Charlie guess what? Adam Sandler has made Happy Gilmore 2 we are watching it now it’s making me laugh and cry. I just know you would be here watching with us! I miss you so so much 

Love mum x 

Rhinos

 Dear Charlie 

I heard I should ask you to show me something to show me you are here. Can you show me a rhino in a place I wouldn’t expect to see a rhino please? 

Love mummy x

My Charlie

Dear Charlie 

Some days make me realise just how polite and wonderful and respectful you were. I did such a good job with you and I really wish you were here still I know you would set such a good example. You were so special I miss you so much I’m so proud of you. 

I’m struggling today. I have been doing really well but it’s exhausting for me and I feel like I don’t get much time to myself anymore because I’m trying to work so much but it takes me away from our home. I’m so so tired I really wish I could talk to you. I hope you’re ok I hope my dad, your grandad is with you and making you laugh and looking after you every day!

They have made the fantastic four movie again I have been telling everyone how much you used to love it. I’m going to watch it for you and I’m looking forward to it. We went to watch superman tonight remember you had a superman costume and you wore it to your 6th birthday party it was fancy dress. I love you so much. A light switched off in me when you went away and sometimes I feel a spark come back but it’s never been the same. I am ok though I always am ok

Im going to try to go to Italy next year remember we always promised you we would go? Italian food is your favourite pizza and lasagne like Garfield I make that sometimes everyone really likes it. 

Remember Garfield 1 and 2 ? You loved them ohhh guess what??? Adam Sandler has made happy Gilmore 2 and we can’t wait to watch it oh it reminded me of you so much when I heard about it. 

Goodnight Char I love you to the moon and back always 

Mum x 

We are golden 

 Dear Charlie

Do you remember when I used to cuddle you in one arm and your sister in the other and I was pregnant we used to say where will baby go when he’s out? Like I didn’t have an extra arm. We used to sit for ages just cuddling. 

I’ve had a rough year, probably the hardest since losing you but I’m still fighting. I bet you’re so disappointed in all this that’s happened and I hate when people say I’m strong they have no idea! I always carry on because I have to I’m trying my best. 

No one could love their kids more than I do. You were so precious even to give you medicine. I didn’t even like to give you Calpol very often and then all that happened and I lost control and suddenly you were having medicines and treatments and I had no choice but to trust they were doing the right thing by you.

I just had a random memory do you remember when we went to crews hill ? You used to like it there. I want to do something special for you soon, just so you know even though I haven’t done any charity events lately it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you all the time and we will be doing one soon. I promise I’ll get round to it.

Im so tired all the time Char 

The other day when I was thinking of you when all those songs came on that u and grandad liked randomly was that you guys? I believe it was

I do hope you’re okay

Love you Char to the moon and back x

I’m sad

 Dear little Charlie I’m sad.

 I used to be able to talk to you on your Facebook but some xxxt hacked it and I haven’t been able to get it back so sometimes I want to tell you something and I cant go to Facebook anymore 

I really miss you. You were so kind and respectful and funny. It’s almost your birthday I think we might go to Woburn and see the rhinos I think you would love that.

T lost his guinea pig have you got her? I imagine you with Zohan and Ronnie and all the guinea pigs around you and I imagine you running with them. 

I feel like a bit of a failure at the moment I hope you’re with me sometimes I feel it. I feel so overwhelmed and out of control I always have to fight why can’t there just be peace? I will keep fighting like always. I hope you’re alright. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you what a joke that your mum couldn’t fix it 

I miss you so much

Mummy x

Charlie I just love you

Dear Charlie,
I don't talk about it, I can't but I know I can always write here and release what I need to say.
I carry on with life and people I meet wouldn't even expect that I have been through what I have because that is it, it is life we have to carry on but I will never forget you. I think of yiu every single day.
You would love your baby sister, she is so cheeky and you would be laughing at her every day. Your brother and sisters love you so so much.
Gav, has come up there now so a friendly face for you to see. Although i am finding it difficult as i am grieving you more with your anniversary around the corner.
It made me think about everything and how well your siblings have turned out, especially your little biggest sister  as she was older when she lost you and it is because I have tried so hard to not let your loss affect them by giving them great childhoods as they got older and although we all miss you i am so proud of how well they have turned out.
In turn I think it makes people think i am strong but we know I just carry on. I grieve privatley for you. I dont want them to see. I dont want to talk to anyone,people are annoying me at the moment
I love you so much. I cuddle your big green alligator sometimes or is he a crocodile ?
I still have your bits at the bottom of the wash basket and when we have family days out I wonder where you would stand and how tall you would be. I just love you so much Char. I will put lovely flowers in your garden and light all your candles on the 15th. I hope you like them.
Love amd miss you Char xxx