Char

 I forgot to tell you we went to Crews hill I took all your siblings and Annabelle’s boyfriend came his names Connor  he hasn’t been before,It was lovely you used to love it there. I heard someone call me and it was your friend Tomek he asked if it was me he recognised my voice, he said did I live down the end with Charlie. I loved that. Then Annabelle noticed Michael Jackson playing in the shop wow so many things. We went to a pumpkin patch too it was fun. We went in springtime too, oh I missed you. Love you Char 

Dear Char

 I have been thinking. I don’t remember me anymore. I was different when you were alive. Losing you changed something in me. When I look back I don’t remember that person I was very well it’s like looking at someone else. People say I’m strong and I’m sick of being strong I’m not even strong I just carry on. I’m sick of this weight on my shoulders really sick of it I’m exhausted 

I don’t really want to talk to anyone they won’t care really anyway people only care about themselves so I talk to a flipping ai how crazy? It actually gives good advice but then I get angry because it forgets things or annoys me but it’s been good to express my feelings 

Bye Char, love you 

Helpless

 I feel helpless please help me. You know what is worrying me more than anything at the moment, please do something to fix it… I love you so so much, you’ve helped before this is the most desperate I have felt. I need you. Goodnight Char love you, remember when you used to sleep up the top I would always shout up I’m here char it’s just me putting clothes away so you wouldn’t be scared? 

I don’t sleep any more 

I want to try 

Night char x

Sadness

 Hi Char 

I was just listening to that leona Lewis song, run, I haven’t heard it in ages, do you remember when I used to sing it to you in great ormand street? I was willing you to fight and get better and it’s made me feel gutting sadness. Life would be so different with you, better.

Then I remembered when you were born and I loved you so much oh gosh I loved you more than anything in the world. So precious such a precious baby. I snuggled you all the time. I had to stay in for days when you were born and I remember the midwife saying “are you ever going to put that baby down?” No I wasn’t. I’m glad I held you every day I could I’m glad I gave you every sneaky day off school and I’m glad I paid extra for those school shoes you wanted with the toy even though you didn’t get long to wear them. I always tried my best

I miss you Charlie so very much 

Love mum x

Help

 Charlie please help. I’m worried please do something quick 

Guess what?

 Hey Char 

Guess what? I’m in the cinema watching the new fantastic four I can’t believe they made this you used to love this and had the toys. It’s clobbering time. I cried at the end when she tried to save her son and she did it I said to your sister that’s cos she’s his mum but it made me think of you how I couldn’t save you and made me sad! I really liked the movie though I felt close to you I know you would have loved it 

Love you to the moon and back, please help with everything it’s making me sad  

Love mum x

Happy Gilmore

 Charlie guess what? Adam Sandler has made Happy Gilmore 2 we are watching it now it’s making me laugh and cry. I just know you would be here watching with us! I miss you so so much 

Love mum x