Thursday 22 October 2015

It is that time of year again

Dear Charlie,

You are always on my mind, but there's just something about Autumn, you had to leave then. When the leaves start to fall from the trees and the weather turns a little colder and the evening draws in, the memory of losing you comes to the front again.
I'm utterly exhausted emotionally and physically from the last event but pleased we did it.
Everything is changing around me and I'm scared the memories will fade, I don't want them to.
I remember when I used to wake up in the morning and you were there sneaked in the middle of the night and down the end of my bed by my feet. I remember when you started to get sick so I let you stay in bed with me.
The hospital has a lot to answer for, daddy had a bad leg the other day and they saw him so quickly he was in and out with an xray so fast, yet all I could think about was you with brain cancer they refused to scan or take me seriously and made up other rubbish diagnosis.
Remember when you used to run in from school and put 2 sausage rolls in the microwave, just a memory I have. You would watch Phineas and ferb, Hannah Montana, the suite life of Zack and Cody or play Mario on your ds. You loved hats in the winter to keep warm but got fed up with them after you were diagnosed. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that Charlie, as your mum I was supposed to protect you from anything, I thought I'd always be able to but that, that thing I had no control over, I am so so sorry I couldn't save you we tried so hard but no hospital in the world could do anything. I felt so useless.
I miss you Charlie and think about you and the loss of you every single day
Love you Char

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