Charlie I just love you

Dear Charlie,
I don't talk about it, I can't but I know I can always write here and release what I need to say.
I carry on with life and people I meet wouldn't even expect that I have been through what I have because that is it, it is life we have to carry on but I will never forget you. I think of yiu every single day.
You would love your baby sister, she is so cheeky and you would be laughing at her every day. Your brother and sisters love you so so much.
Gav, has come up there now so a friendly face for you to see. Although i am finding it difficult as i am grieving you more with your anniversary around the corner.
It made me think about everything and how well your siblings have turned out, especially your little biggest sister  as she was older when she lost you and it is because I have tried so hard to not let your loss affect them by giving them great childhoods as they got older and although we all miss you i am so proud of how well they have turned out.
In turn I think it makes people think i am strong but we know I just carry on. I grieve privatley for you. I dont want them to see. I dont want to talk to anyone,people are annoying me at the moment
I love you so much. I cuddle your big green alligator sometimes or is he a crocodile ?
I still have your bits at the bottom of the wash basket and when we have family days out I wonder where you would stand and how tall you would be. I just love you so much Char. I will put lovely flowers in your garden and light all your candles on the 15th. I hope you like them.
Love amd miss you Char xxx