Thursday, 31 December 2015

Hey Charlie,
It's New year's eve. I remember you always used to ask is it happy New year yet ?
I miss you and was just thinking how we have had to adapt to a life without you but every day I wonder.
I feel your absence every day.
I don't really like New year I always used to stay in with you and see in the New year without you
I am a different person since you have been gone and I think it was the day you were diagnosed ini changed. I don't remember the person I was before or when I do it doesn't feel like me.
I  Can describe how I feel like the ocean and at the moment I feel like I'm floating along then a storm will come and the waves are pain from losing you and it gets unbearable and then they pass and I drift along and the last few weeks I have been floating along again the damage is there but it's more peaceful. I never know when the waves or storm will hit me again and how long they will last but I am good at floating through it
But even when the storm is there I hide it from others as I don't want to talk but I like to write and it helps.
Love you char x

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Dear Charlie,
It's been a hard few weeks but I have actually enjoyed staying in your bedroom and it's not anywhere as hard as sorting through your things. I found myself in deep grief at the start of it but soldiered through. Now we face Christmas without you. Charlie I've had a break from Charlie charges on since Greek night, it was consuming me and I will pick up in the new year I promise you. We are planning some big things for next year in memory of you. Know that you are always on my mind little man but I just needed a break to concentrate on the mammoth task of your bedroom. We went to watch star wars in the cinema and I thought of you all the way through. I knew you would have been there with us
I really love and miss you son, love you so much Char.