Sunday 27 September 2015


Dear Charlie,
I caught the last half of beaches today and it made me think of you and how when someone who is faced with the end you just want to make them happy and comfortable, it made me think of people suffering and others who don't realise how lucky they are, they waste time and energy hating and being bitter over pathetic things and it is very sad. I saw a quote today 'I am sorry I couldn't save you' and I do have to deal with that because I am your mum and I couldn't save you, your life was in the hands of your doctor's and how did they feel about you ? They see kids in and out every day, really sick kids. Where you just a number ? That makes me sad. I do believe they believed they were doing the right thing. Trouble is I am your mum and you relied on daddy and me to make everything better we did try and try and try but we couldn't find the answer, we couldn't cure your cancer. I can't believe my Charlie had cancer in his brain. I don't think I've ever said that before.  It's not fair at all its just not fair. You were full of life, happy and funny and my best friend. I wonder why and how but I will never know. Your room is changing and there is no going back but I will feel close to you when I sleep there. We had no choice and I still haven't finished your chest of drawers. Your medicine is still in the fridge with your name on and underwear still at the bottom of the wash basket, your dressing gown was still hanging on your bed, your Scooby doo dressing gown. Your award still on the fridge.
Love you Char x

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